This blog post is very heavily inspired by Rosianna’s video about her need for movement, not just physically but in her life; having things changing and developing and moving forward and not remaining still and static. You should watch the video…you should possibly watch is more than once (as I have; it makes more and more sense to me every time). This blog post is kind of just me trying to articulate some of my thoughts and personal responses to this idea of…motion vs stillness in life.
I’ve barely blogged in the past almost-a-year, and in that time far more has happened and far more has changed than I can even begin to express. I’ve been in a state of perpetual motion and development; and since around March it’s all been incredibly positive and directional and just…really, really great in ways I would have never anticipated before going to uni. And it’s defiantly been very…movement-y. Very fast.
And then after my final exams…for the first time in a long time, I stopped. And it was really, really nice for a while. I was left with this after glow of achievements and failures and development and movement and just everything that had happened…I was really, really happy. And I spent a lot of time just sitting in pubs and playing cards with friends and having a break; I hadn’t stopped working since around March, and I hadn’t had any real, emotional respite since arriving at uni.
And although this was still, there was movement; although it was a sad kind of movement. I spent most of my final few weeks of my first year of university with the same general group of friends…but an ever decreasing group of friends as more and more left to go home. Some will be back next year, some won’t; but with all of them it was sad and this kind of movement felt…slow and sad but also poignant.
I stayed quiet late, but finally, I also went home.
The packing process (which somehow managed to take two days…), was good; throwing away stuff was good, and although carrying my bags home was a nightmare, leaving halls was good. Partly because I didn’t like my halls aaalll that much, but partly because leaving a fixed location is good. I’ve increasingly come to dislike being in one fixed location/residence.
I’ve barely blogged in the past almost-a-year, and in that time far more has happened and far more has changed than I can even begin to express. I’ve been in a state of perpetual motion and development; and since around March it’s all been incredibly positive and directional and just…really, really great in ways I would have never anticipated before going to uni. And it’s defiantly been very…movement-y. Very fast.
And then after my final exams…for the first time in a long time, I stopped. And it was really, really nice for a while. I was left with this after glow of achievements and failures and development and movement and just everything that had happened…I was really, really happy. And I spent a lot of time just sitting in pubs and playing cards with friends and having a break; I hadn’t stopped working since around March, and I hadn’t had any real, emotional respite since arriving at uni.
And although this was still, there was movement; although it was a sad kind of movement. I spent most of my final few weeks of my first year of university with the same general group of friends…but an ever decreasing group of friends as more and more left to go home. Some will be back next year, some won’t; but with all of them it was sad and this kind of movement felt…slow and sad but also poignant.
I stayed quiet late, but finally, I also went home.
The packing process (which somehow managed to take two days…), was good; throwing away stuff was good, and although carrying my bags home was a nightmare, leaving halls was good. Partly because I didn’t like my halls aaalll that much, but partly because leaving a fixed location is good. I’ve increasingly come to dislike being in one fixed location/residence.
But then I got home, and everything stopped.
Even towards the end of the university year, the rather static nature of my existence, although I was having a lovely time, was starting to make me increasingly anxious and restless. And getting home only made that a hundred times worse. Although I have a lot of amazing things lined up for the future, the fact that they weren’t then and happening made them feel…incredibly unreal to me. This was coupled with the conclusive nature of the moment; the first year of university being over and the “end”-ness of it. That, and a lack of forward motion made it feel like…and obviously, consciously, I knew this wasn’t true…this was the conclusion; the finale of whatever this thing is I’m doing called life. And if this was the end; it would be a really crappy end. And that made me really dissatisfied and really…miss a lot of things that I felt might make this a better end. Except this isn’t the end. At all. This is a part of a process and as soon as I see it like that it’s all colourful and exciting and it just…makes sense.
And since then I’ve tried to work on…injecting that sense of movement into my life.
This has partly been making the present a step towards what’s looking to be a really good near future; I’m going to New Mexico, but I actually bought the plane tickets, I’ve applied for a few jobs; things like that.
But it’s also been about turning a lot of the ways I fill my time into something moving, rather than something static. Like, right now I’m blogging; which can just be an isolated activity in which I write some words and publish them and maybe people can read them. But it can also be part of a process; an exercise in documentation, but also, something I’m trying to…grow through; and be better at. I want to get back into personal blogging, and I, in general, want to get better at writing and producing more writing. I want my more political based writing to become something I’m…somewhat skilled at; that may be worth something (I don’t mean monetarily I mean…like…worth…yeah; you know what I mean).
Other things, too, like reading; reading doesn’t have to be a still thing…it informs so much who you are and become a vehicle through which you develop.
There are also more concrete, practical ways I’ve generated this sense of movement; I’ve started using goodreads to track what I’m reading and watching the books pass from to read to reading to read gives the whole thing a sense of motion.
That’s just one way I’m trying (succeeding? Yeah…I think I’m succeeding) to create movement in the things I do.
And the other thing that’s really helped, surprisingly, has been my school friends and meeting up with them and hanging out…which I haven’t done properly since Christmas in most cases. And that’s funny because, largely, I’ve seen my school friends as this static thing; this safe point of stillness while everything else around me is rapidly moving. But coming back to that base after everything that’s happened has helped give me a more solid sense of self with which to move forward. Cause my friends aren’t still, either. We’re all moving forward together.
The internet said this quote was said by Einstein, so it may or may not have been said by Einstein, but it feels relevent to this... "Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.”
Even towards the end of the university year, the rather static nature of my existence, although I was having a lovely time, was starting to make me increasingly anxious and restless. And getting home only made that a hundred times worse. Although I have a lot of amazing things lined up for the future, the fact that they weren’t then and happening made them feel…incredibly unreal to me. This was coupled with the conclusive nature of the moment; the first year of university being over and the “end”-ness of it. That, and a lack of forward motion made it feel like…and obviously, consciously, I knew this wasn’t true…this was the conclusion; the finale of whatever this thing is I’m doing called life. And if this was the end; it would be a really crappy end. And that made me really dissatisfied and really…miss a lot of things that I felt might make this a better end. Except this isn’t the end. At all. This is a part of a process and as soon as I see it like that it’s all colourful and exciting and it just…makes sense.
And since then I’ve tried to work on…injecting that sense of movement into my life.
This has partly been making the present a step towards what’s looking to be a really good near future; I’m going to New Mexico, but I actually bought the plane tickets, I’ve applied for a few jobs; things like that.
But it’s also been about turning a lot of the ways I fill my time into something moving, rather than something static. Like, right now I’m blogging; which can just be an isolated activity in which I write some words and publish them and maybe people can read them. But it can also be part of a process; an exercise in documentation, but also, something I’m trying to…grow through; and be better at. I want to get back into personal blogging, and I, in general, want to get better at writing and producing more writing. I want my more political based writing to become something I’m…somewhat skilled at; that may be worth something (I don’t mean monetarily I mean…like…worth…yeah; you know what I mean).
Other things, too, like reading; reading doesn’t have to be a still thing…it informs so much who you are and become a vehicle through which you develop.
There are also more concrete, practical ways I’ve generated this sense of movement; I’ve started using goodreads to track what I’m reading and watching the books pass from to read to reading to read gives the whole thing a sense of motion.
That’s just one way I’m trying (succeeding? Yeah…I think I’m succeeding) to create movement in the things I do.
And the other thing that’s really helped, surprisingly, has been my school friends and meeting up with them and hanging out…which I haven’t done properly since Christmas in most cases. And that’s funny because, largely, I’ve seen my school friends as this static thing; this safe point of stillness while everything else around me is rapidly moving. But coming back to that base after everything that’s happened has helped give me a more solid sense of self with which to move forward. Cause my friends aren’t still, either. We’re all moving forward together.
The internet said this quote was said by Einstein, so it may or may not have been said by Einstein, but it feels relevent to this... "Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.”
